How I ended up in a pink shirt

Last week, Lindsay, Ellie and I were at our friend Laura's wedding in Chicago. Lindsay was the matron-of-honor, so I was on fulltime "dad" duty the day of the wedding. As folks were flitting around and getting ready for the service, Ellie and I were happily playing in the nursery.
Then I made a new dad mistake. I knew something did not smell right, but decide to pick Ellie up and set her on my lap in order to the check the diaper. Lo' and behold, my nose was accurate, but my eyes had failed to see the extent of the damage done, thus rendering Ellie's dress, my suit pants and my shirt stained.
This was at 1:00pm, the wedding started at 2:30.
So trying not to disturb the women, I quickly ran Ellie who at this point was screaming, into the men's room to change her. I tried to salvage her dress by hanging her upside down and yanking the dress off. This only increased her screams, my sweat and my nerves.
Finally, we were all clean, but I was left in an undershirt, and Ellie in a sweater and diaper.
So we hit the streets of Lincoln Park, Chicago in search of new outfits (1:30pm). About five blocks up, we came across a child store called LMNOP. In a hurry, I purchased the first dress that looked cute enough for a wedding. Not only a size 12month, but also the most expensive outfit Ellie has to date, we left.
At least one of us was freshly clothed. I had resorted to wearing my undershirt and suit jacket--that would look trendy right?
But, as we got one block from the church, I noticed a consignment store. Inside, I found the only 16-34 shirt...pink, and the price was right $5.
So to Lindsay's surprise, Ellie and I returned to the wedding just a few minutes before they processed, decked out in our matching pink outfits.